First off, thank you for bringing up this brilliant and practical topic - choosing the right size food processor! It's like picking the perfect wrench for a tricky bolt. Even the savviest of DIYers get perplexed sometimes by the dazzling array of food processors out on the market.

Not all food processors are created equal, with their specialty functions and varied sizes. As a handyman-turned-kitchen-explorer, I’m here to walk you through the labyrinth of getting the perfect food processor that suits your needs the best. Fair warning, the journey might get a bit messy, not unlike my first foray into drywall repairs, but stick with me, it'll be fun!

Understand Your Cooking Needs

Just like you wouldn’t buy a sledgehammer when you need a ball-peen, you don't want to buy a huge food processor when you're just making guacamole for two. Reflect upon your cooking habits. Are you cooking for an army of children or just you and your partner? Are you a fan of elaborate food prep or does 'quick and easy' define your cooking style? These are essential questions to answer, to avoid ending up with just another expensive kitchen decoration.

For the Single-Dish Wonders: Mini Size Processors

If you live alone or have a small family, a mini food processor with 3-4 cup capacity is just perfect for you. These little wonders take up minimal counter space, are easy to clean, and can effortlessly handle everyday chopping and grinding like car keys on cement.

For the Ambitious Home Chefs: Mid-Size Processors

With a capacity of 7-10 cups, these processors are like your reliable cordless drill, versatile and powerful. If your kitchen is your creative workshop and you love trying various cuisine recipes, this size is just right. They can handle tasks ranging from chopping veggies for stir-fry to kneading dough for pizza.

For the Neighborhood Party Thrower: Full-Size Processors

Throwing parties is comparable to managing construction projects. You need strong tools! Same goes for the 12-16 cup capacity food processors. These titans can handle vast quantities of food, perfect for large batches of dips, pates, dough, or dicing mountains of vegetables.

Consider the Storage and Kitchen Space

Think of it like choosing the right size ladder for your storeroom. If you have a spacious kitchen, go nuts with the larger models. But a small apartment kitchen might not accommodate a 16-cup monster. Don't overkill. Base your size choice on the real estate you have.

Look Beyond the Big Brand Names

Just as with home repairs, the best tool isn't always the most well-known. Sure, the big brands are enticing, but there are smaller, less well-known companies which are out there crafting fantastic food processors. So, stay open-minded, dig around, read reviews, and do your homework. You might find a hidden gem.

Bottom line

Above all, consider durability and functionality. An industrial sanding machine may be powerful, but is it practical for home use? Food processors are investments. Make sure your purchase can handle what you’re throwing at it for quite some time.

Like all good DIY projects, the fun lies in finding the right tool for the job. Hopefully, these tips will help you do just that and have you slicing, dicing, chopping, mincing, and pureeing like a pro. Happy kitchen DIY-ing, folks!

There you have it, friends. A handy DIY'er guide to buying the ideal food processor. At the end of the day, remember that the best food processor is the one that best fits your unique kitchen and cooking needs – the one you'll reach for over and over again.

Bend some forks, smash some avocados, and make those neighbors jealous with your fabulous culinary flair. Happy food processing!